


Placebo

by kissability



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Bisexual Richie Tozier, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, M/M, bad familial relationships, pill tw?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 11:41:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15363870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kissability/pseuds/kissability
Summary: Eddie is sixteen years old when he discovers the pills his mother had been feeding him throughout his life are fake. In turn, he decides to rebel against her in as many ways as he can - while doing this, however, he forms friendships with people he never imagined would become family, and discovers more about himself than he ever imagined.





	Placebo

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this a long time ago & never posted it here.

Eddie Kaspbrak was nearly sixteen years old when he discovered the pills he’d taken religiously every day weren’t actually affecting his body in any way, shape, or form.

 

It was a sunny morning in early September when Eddie woke up late, later than usual. Normally, he got up around 6am every morning (yes, including on the weekends) but today he’d woken up just before 8am. It was a fairly rare occurrence, him being given the chance to sleep in, but when the days came around, he took the chance happily.

 

He was going to savor the moment, but then realized that if he did, he’d miss his 8am pill. So, begrudgingly but still quickly, he rolled out of bed. He audibly groaned, as he did, not looking forward to getting up today. He knew that once he’d gotten up, he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep, but he knew his medication was vital.

 

He walked silently across the room, eyes still adjusting to the morning light as he reached his dresser. Neatly in the center of the top of it sat his weekly pill box, with all the days of the week listed on individual sections, formatted in two rows. The top row was for mornings, and the bottom row was for evenings; Just as it had always been.

 

But, when Eddie opened the box labeled  _ Sunday,  _ he was greeted with nothing inside.

 

He frowned. That was a strange occurrence, and had never happened before. He ran a hand through his messy curls, checking the time on the watch he’d mistakenly slept in last night. 7:54.

 

_ Shit,  _ he thought to himself. If he was going to take his medicine on time, then he’d need to find the bottle, and quick. He wasn't exactly sure what it was for, perhaps his mother explained when he a child and he’d just forgotten. Eddie just assumed that his mom knew what she was talking about when she insisted the pills were vital to take. 

 

Back when Eddie trusted his mother.

 

He sighed anxiously and walked out of his bedroom, not bothering to change out of his boxers and oversized t-shirt that he’d slept in the night before. The door squeaked obnoxiously loudly, which he cringed at slightly, but he continued through the halls. An eerie silence spread throughout the house, except for the obnoxious sound of Eddie’s mother’s occasional snores.

 

He groggily continued down the steps, looking to his right as soon as he reached the bottom. As expected, his mom was passed out, drunk. He just shrugged, used to it by now. He walked to the kitchen, quietly tiptoeing his way through it until he reached the far side of his kitchen’s cabinet, where he remembered his mom used to keep his medication. He hoped that all the bottles still sat in the same place as they did when he was a kid - otherwise he’d be screwed.

 

He opened the cabinet,  being greeted with multiple baskets filled with what looked like dozens of plastic containers of medication. He sighed, probably too loudly, and rummaged through the one labeled ‘ _ Sunday _ .’ There were four bottles, all labeled the same thing: _ Placebo _ . 

 

Eddie recalled hearing that word somewhere. In school, maybe?

 

He stared at the label for a second. The word played itself over and over in his head. He uncapped the lid and poured a single pill into the palm of his hand before dry-swallowing it, keeping an eye on the label.  _ Placebo, placebo, placebo.  _

 

Eddie kept the word in the back of his head as he walked back up the stairs, heading to his room to find a dictionary he kept somewhere wedged between old picture books from when he was still a kid. He had the right to know what substance was going into his body, right? Once he reached his room, it wasn’t too difficult to spot - all of the books he had in his room were under one hundred pages, generally from his childhood, and he hadn’t checked anything out from the library as of lately. The thick dictionary stuck out like a sore thumb.

 

He immediately sat on the floor and began flipping through it.  _ K, L, M, O… P _ . He continued to read through it, page by page until he hit the pl section, where the word was bound to be. It didn’t take long to find, thankfully, being about three words down from the top of the page.

 

_ pla·ce·bo _

_ pləˈsēbō/ _

_ noun _

  1. _a harmless pill, medicine, or procedure prescribed more for the psychological benefit to the patient than for any physiological effect._



_ a substance that has no therapeutic effect, used as a control in testing new drugs. _

 

He re-read the sentences over and over. That couldn’t be right, there was no way she would… would she? Eddie thought for a moment, and looked down the page at the rest of the  _ pl  _ words. There was no other explanation. They were fake. The pills he’d relied on all his life, that he spent every day stressing out about, were bullshit.

 

Turns out, she  _ would  _ do that.

 

-

 

The next morning, Eddie didn’t say anything to his mother as he got ready for school. Not as in not  _ mentioning  _ anything about the placebos, but he refused to speak a word at all, because he knew if he let a single word slip, he’d explode in a fit of anger. It didn’t seem too out of the ordinary, as he still nodded along to everything she said, but on the inside he was  _ furious.  _ He didn’t want to cause a scene, as he didn’t have anywhere else to go or anyone to speak to about it, so he shut his mouth - after swallowing his daily dose of  _ lies.  _

 

“Have a good day, Eddie!” His mother called as he walked out the door with his backpack placed on his shoulders, ready for school. She didn’t see, but he dramatically rolled his eyes as he walked down the steps and onto the sidewalk. Obviously Eddie wasn’t very talkative, but he was still surprised that his mother hadn’t been concerned and asked what was wrong, or if he was feeling sick. He sighed, continuing to move step by step on his way to school.

 

He felt sick. The night before, he hadn’t slept for more than an hour total, which was unusual for him. He was supposed to get at  _ least  _ eight hours every night, and he’d failed to fit a single one in. Then again, maybe that was a lie too.

 

At first, he was angry. He was absolutely furious, and couldn’t believe anything in his life was real.  _ It couldn’t be.  _ He stomped, and he screamed into pillows, and he threw papers off of his desk. It didn’t last long - he cleaned them up, neatening them even more thoroughly than they were originally, but he was pissed. All he could see was red, and all he could feel was anger.

 

Then, around three in the morning, the anger was still present but he found himself being overruled by sadness instead. After a short attempt at sleeping, he’d woken up in a fit of sobs and started to think about how, all this time, he had been lied to. He wasn’t sick, he  _ wasted  _ his childhood, being in and out of hospitals and missing so much class - so many opportunities to make new friends and join new clubs, ruined. Ruined by her.

 

After that, and another half hour nap, he was angry. He was even more pissed than earlier because he had time to  _ think.  _ He wasn’t angry because of some fucking sickness, he wasn’t sick at  _ all  _ despite what he believed all his life, he was angry because it was her fault. 

 

He knew why she was so paranoid - after his dad’s death, she was afraid Eddie would get cancer and get sick as well. She wanted to keep him safe, and he understood that. What he didn't understand, is why she convinced him that he already  _ was  _ sick.

 

So, he had devised a plan. It was petty, and it was probably a bad decision, but he wanted to piss his mom off the way she had done to him; His plan didn't go as deep as scarring her childhood, though.

 

So, when he arrived ten minutes early to school, instead of greeting Stan and checking last night’s homework answers, he instead went straight for the burnouts that waited for the doors to open a bit off to the side of the school.

 

There stood a tall ( _ well, everyone was taller than Eddie,)  _ red-headed girl with hair reaching the end of her rib cage and a casually-dressed guy with dark skin and a wide smile. They were seemingly talking to another person who leant against the wall, looking around six feet, maybe even more, tall, with large glasses and a jean jacket layered over a hawaiian shirt and a bob ross t-shirt. The more average-looking, happy boy that Eddie couldn't remember the name of was the only one who wasn't smoking a cigarette.

 

“Hi,” The red-head turned to face Eddie, smiling softly yet very invitingly, and Eddie couldn't help but notice the glimmer in her eyes as she spoke. She was pretty, that was a fact Eddie could definitely notice. 

 

“Well hello, short stack,” The bug-eyed boy said in a  _ god-awful  _ british accent, dark, near-black hair falling in his face. It wasn't till now that Eddie noticed he had a golden ring through his right nostril. “How may we help you?”

 

“I’m uh- I’m not sure.” Eddie responded honestly. His plan had gone out the window - he’d forgotten that he was  _ really  _ bad at socializing with people he didn't know very well. How  _ was  _ he supposed to tell them he was here to make his mom mad? Was that offensive? 

 

“Are you new or ‘somethin?” The same guy asked again, instead in a normal voice, which Eddie found himself enjoying too much for his own liking.

 

Eddie scrunched his eyebrows together, though. He was already mad, and this wasn't making it much better. He didn't reply, though, just keeping a death glare on the group.

 

“Maybe he’s a freshman?” Mike,  _ that was his name,  _ said, but clearly tried to keep his voice down so Eddie couldn't hear.

 

“ _ What!?  _ No! I’m a fucking Junior!” Eddie yelled, flailing his hands slightly. He felt his own curly hair fall into his eyes. “I- He sighed, I am  _ not  _ new. I’ve lived in this town my whole life.”

 

“Sorry,” The girl apologized, frowning slightly, raising her hands in defense, but still keeping grip on her cigarette. “We just haven't seen you around. I’m Beverly Marsh, that's Mike Hanlon, and that’s-”

 

“Richie. Tozier’s my name, voice impressions are my game.” He interrupted, a sly smile present on his face. “That’s not what your mom calls me, though-”

 

“I know we just met but I will literally  _ smack  _ you if you finish that joke.” Eddie threatened in reply, his pointer finger dangerously close to Richie’s face. The darker haired of the two stepped back, but still had an obnoxious smile plastered on his face.   
  
"Ooh, kink-"   
  
"Beep beep, Richie." Mike and Beverly spoke at the same exact time, completely in sync and glaring at Richie like they were expecting it.   
  
Eddie furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm sorry, what?"   
  
Mike shrugged, crossing his arms. "It's what we do. If Richie is being extra annoying, or he says something that goes too far, we just say beep beep."   
  
"Yeah," Richie continued. "It's like, a subtle way of them telling me to shut the fuck up. Which is necessary, 'cause I talk. A lot."   
  
"A lot." Beverly agreed.   
  
"But!" Richie returned to that awful accent, his combat-boot covered ankles crossing as he leaned back, taking a quick drag. Once finished, he leaned back in. "What is your name, kind sir?"

 

Eddie’s facial expression returned to it’s original dead stare, his arms crossing. He looked around to the group, Mike raising an eyebrow and Beverly obvious waiting. “It’s Eddie, Kaspbrak.”

 

Beverly nodded, her paint-covered nails in the air. “Well hello, Eddie Kaspbrak.”

 

“Eds,” Richie pretended to ponder, placing his pointer finger and thumb beneath his chin like he was thinking, “I like it. Suits you.”

 

Eddie gave him a death glare. “Too bad, because it’s  _ not  _ my name.”

 

Richie shrugged, staying silent for once, and suddenly Eddie got an idea - that in no way concerned him.    
  
"Beverly, do you have any more of that black fingernail polish?"   
  
-   
  
Eddie returned home that day with nails darker than the night sky and a proud smile on his face.    
  
His mom however, wasn't too happy, despite Eddie loving everything about them.   
  
"How did you get that black stuff on your nails?" She's asked as soon  as he walked in, dark nails gripping the straps of his backpack.   
  
"Miss Beverly Marsh." Eddie replied without skipping a beat. Despite his anxiety affecting him heavily, he kept a confident closed-mouthed smile after speaking.   
  
Sonia Kaspbrak bit her lip. "Take it off. And no more talking to her. She has a bad reputation, that Beverly Marsh. I don't want her filth rubbing off on you."   
  
Eddie swallowed heavily, shutting his eyes tightly before crossing his arms. He opened his eyes and confidently said, "No. She's my friend."   
  
Sonia scowled, clearly preparing to give him a lecture, but Eddie just shook his head, walking around her and up the stairs.    
  
When he reached his room, he smiled. Immediately as he entered, he closed and locked the door behind him. He walked to the mirror and reached his hands out at his reflection, smiling so widely it hurt his cheeks.   
  
But he couldn't stop.   
  
Glaring at himself in the mirror, he smiled even wider, if that was even humanly possible. He was happier than he had been in a long time.   
  
And most of all, he was proud of himself.   
  
\--   
  
It was Friday after school when Mike had asked if Eddie wanted to join the group in going to the quarry with them. Eddie had smiled and nodded, and used to school's phone to call his mom and tell her he would be gone for a few hours.   
  
She wasn't thrilled. In fact, she was very upset, which still hurt Eddie; but he decided to prioritize his happiness over hers this time. She'd taken enough of it away already.   
  
So, he joined them.   
  
As soon as they had reached the tall cliff, everyone was stripping down quickly. Except for Eddie, at first. He was just staring it down, unsure what to do or how to react.   
  
Halfway through kicking off his pants, Richie nudged him on the shoulder. "Hey, hey, it's okay," He said, genuinely being nice for once. "S'not as scary as it looks."   
  
Eddie nodded. He could do it. He quickly took off his shoes, feeling the dirt on the bottoms of his feet. He could do it, he told himself as he slipped off his shirt.    
  
There went Beverly. She just slipped out of her dress and began running until she was tumbling into the water and they heard a splash from down below. They faintly heard her yelling something about how it was awesome.   
  
Mike's was just as entertaining if not more. He ran quickly, but once he was at he edge he faced his back to the water, and as he fell he pointed finger guns towards Richie and Eddie.   
  
He was just in his boxers now.   
  
Eddie breathed in heavily, turning to Richie. "Nuh-uh. Can't do it."   
  
"Sure you can." Richie said, softly grabbing onto Eddie's wrist, tugging him slowly towards the cliff. "Just don't look down."   
  
Eddie stared a few feet in front of them and stared down at what he could see of the water, Richie's hand still wrapped around his wrist. "Richie? I looked down. Fuck."   
  
Richie's hand slid into Eddie's. He'd since gotten Beverly to re-paint his nails, so as Richie held their hands up together he noticed the fact that their fingernails were matching. And they fit really well together. And there might've been a weird feeling in Eddie's stomach. Richie turned to him. "On three, we're jumping together."   
  
"Oh, fuck," Eddie groaned, bouncing anxiously onthe balls of his feet.    
  
"One," Richie tightened his grip on Eddie's hand,   
  
"Two," Eddie nodded his head, sighing loudly, because he could do this,   
  
"Eddie Spaghetti, let's do this! Three!," Richie finally screamed, launching them off of the cliff quickly, hand tightening on Eddie's.   
  
Eddie felt alive, but still, all that could be heard before they crashed into the water was "Don't call me that!"   
  
When Eddie popped his head out of the water, he looked for Richie, as their hands disconnected near the end of the fall. Beverly and Mike were only about fifteen feet away, having a water fight with one another.   
  
Richie suddenly popped his head out of the water next to the tan boy, shaking his head side to side and spraying water everywhere like that of a wet dog. Eddie cringed, blocking his eyes from it, but stayed silent.   
  
"That wasn't too bad, now was it?" Richie teased as soon as he brushed his hair out of his eyes, and shook his glasses violently to get the water droplets off of them.    
  
Eddie laughed, but stopped himself so he could act serious. "Eddie Spaghetti? Really?"   
  
"Yeah," Richie smirked, winking. "Suits you."   
  
Then, he swam towards the other two teenagers and Eddie was left more confused than he had ever been in his entire life.   
  
\--   
  
After a few weeks, Eddie is almost positive that these are the best friends he's ever had, besides Stanley. He's known him since kindergarten, but he's never available anymore - homework, or something, so they can't hang out as much.   
  
He still uses going to Stan's house as an excuse to see the group, though. At this point, lying to his mom is pretty easy now; Whether that's a good thing or not is beyond him.   
  
He's not actually sure what's happening to him anymore. He pretends to take his medication, he lies to his mom, he sneaks out sometimes, or lets his friends into his room past curfew.    
  
He's happy, though. He's happier than he's ever been, and he's less worried about getting sick than ever before.   
  
He's started wearing his hair naturally, in it's curliest state. Last time they were at the quarry, Richie played with his hair and said he likes it like that. Eddie is almost positive he likes Richie like  _ that _ .

 

Richie is a fucking dumbass who talks too much and makes terrible jokes, but he's also sweet sometimes, and is cute, and his stupid mom jokes make Eddie laugh harder than he ever has in his entire life. In fact, since he met Richie, his life has been at it's best point. He makes him happy, and that's the priority right now.   
  
The five of them (now including Ben, Beverly's boyfriend), were sat outside at lunch today, on their usual benches. They weren't sure exactly what they'd do when it began to rain, but mutually figured they'd deal with it when the time came. They still had a month or so to deal with it.

 

Richie was on the edge of the bench, rambling on about something that happened in chemistry, while Mike was on the other side. Between, well really on, both of them was Eddie: His head was rested in Richie’s lap and his legs cascaded over the top of Mike’s thighs, lying down. Standing by a tree was Beverly and Ben, conversing about something random. Despite having a book in hand, Ben was obviously listening and responding to what she had to say.

 

“Rich,” Eddie mumbled once the teen was done with his story, turning his head towards him, “I’ve decided I want a flannel like the one you wear under your jacket. It looks comfortable.”

 

Richie nodded, but then frowned. “Hm, okay. I don’t really have any money to spend on it, though. If I could, I’d get you one, though. You’d look fly as  _ fuck. _ ” Eddie smiled softly, lifting up his right hand to touch Richie’s hair. He was in what he liked to call a ‘soft’ mood: something he hadn’t experienced before he met the group.

 

“Yeah, I know. It’s okay. Just saying, I want one. Sometime I can get it myself, just an observation.”

 

“I’ll get you one,” Beverly piped up from where she stood. She was now reaching into the pocket of her overalls, likely pulling out her box of cigarettes. Ben frowned slightly, as in a subtle ‘ _ you’re not supposed to smoke in school,’  _ but said nothing. Beverly clearly noted it, subtly being grateful for the lack of him protesting.

 

Eddie turned his head to face the red-head. His eyebrows scrunched together. “No, no way. How’d you even get the money?”

 

“That’s nonsense,” Beverly shrugged, pack in hand and now searching for her lighter. “My aunt gave me money for clothes, but I don’t need any more. Not saying you do either,  _ but  _ you seem to be pretty fond of black now, and you’re really outgrowing those little red running shorts, Eddie. After school we’ll go to the thrift store and get you some new clothes.”

 

“I like the red running shorts.” Richie said, protesting.

 

“Wait, clothes as in  _ plural?”  _ Eddie questioned, sitting up, paying no mind to Richie’s words but taking in the fact he sighed when Eddie’s head was no longer in his lap. “Bev, it’s fine-”

 

“Nuh-uh. It’s happening. All of you, we’re meeting at the bike racks after school. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.” Beverly scolded. The whole group shrugged, and although Eddie felt slightly guilty, he lied his head right back onto his friend’s lap. “Capisce?”

 

“Capisce.” Everyone responded.

 

\--

 

About three weeks later, while dressed in his brand-new, black skinny jeans with holes in the knees and an oversized flannel, Eddie and Richie are biking through Derry together, alone. It’s just the two of them, as Ben and Bev are on a date, and Mike had been introduced to Stan sometime last week when Eddie brought his usual group to come say hi to him after school - he’d missed Stanley, a lot. They had hit it off almost instantly and decided on bird watching together at the local park today - turns out, Mike was someone who really  _ could  _ stand Stanley’s hobbies that, in Eddie’s opinion, were boring.

 

So, it was just them. But that was alright - more than alright, actually. Eddie was having the time of his life, having a downhill bike-chase with Richie, yelling at each other at the top of their lungs. Richie was screaming about how he was clearly superior, and was  _ definitely  _ going to win.

 

Eddie was set on the fact that he wasn’t. So, he peddled as fast as his (still rather short) legs could, and he felt like a kid again. Gliding down the hill with ease, everything was perfect: The screaming from Richie, the laughs escaping from Eddie’s mouth, the way the sun was just barely setting on their small town. Everything was fine.

 

That is, until Eddie’s bike tire hit a rock and he skinned a good chunk of his knee off. 

 

Richie immediately dismounted from his bike, and kneeled in front of Eddie, placing his hand on his shoulder. Eddie was letting out a string of curses, holding onto one of his bent knees. “Hey, hey, Eds, spaghetti man, it’s okay! Just a little scrape! Nothin’ a little peroxide can’t fix.”

 

Eddie turned to face him, and Richie was shocked to hear a loud laugh come out. Richie’s eyebrows raised as the shorter of the two continued to die laughing, now clutching his stomach instead of the leg that was bleeding profusely. Richie adjusted his glasses for a moment, before responding. “Wait, what? Am I missing something here? Weren’t you on the verge of death there for a second?”

 

Eddie laughed a bit more, before naturally calming himself down. “Spaghetti Man? Really? That’s your way of comforting me?”

 

Then he did something that neither boys expected: He kissed him.

 

\--

 

A year had gone by quickly, and now it was graduation day. Eddie was heading off to college, along with his trashmouth of a boyfriend, at the end of the summer. 

 

So, as him and his mother pulled into the parking lot, Eddie turned to her. The woman who lied to him constantly throughout the years. The woman who although birthed him, and was supposed to care for him, didn’t care at all. His mother.

 

“I’m in love with him, you know.” He said without thought, running the paint-covered nails of one hand into the palm of the other.

 

Sonia responded absentmindedly, still checking to make sure she was parked correctly. “I’m sorry, what, Eddie-bear?”

 

Eddie breathed in deeply, before exhaling, letting his eyes flutter closed for a moment. “Richie Tozier. I’ve been in love with him for a year. We’re going to get married one day. Because we’re in love.”

 

Sonia did something Eddie didn’t expect: She smiled, seemingly benevolently. The words that came out of her mouth though, were anything but that. “You’re just imagining it. Your medication prevents  _ all  _ forms of sicknesses, silly. If it’s really that much of a concern though, we can up your dosage.”

 

“I’ve known they were placebos since I was sixteen.” Eddie replied with a blank face, opening the car door after moving his cap and gown from his lap to in his other arm. He slammed it behind him, not daring to look back, even if his mom’s screams were near deafening. 

 

He graduated without any family in the audience. However, he graduated beside the love of his life, hands with black-painted nails intertwined tightly as they raised into the air. Beverly, Mike, and Stan were almost as close.

 

So, he didn’t have any blood relatives in the audience, but he graduated next to his family. And considering the given circumstances, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
